What comes first? The behaviour or the value?
Which drives which?
Do your behaviours drive your values or are they the other way around?
Your values drive your behaviour. They are likely to be at the centre of the decisions that you make, the actions you take, and the goals you set.
They shape your beliefs, your world viewpoints and how you filter and process your experiences.
Your values are at the core of who you are and how you show up in the world.
What are your values? Can you list the top 3?
Mine are:
Positivity
Continuous Improvement
Making a difference
What are yours?
If you have not reflected on yours in a while then download this activity sheet to guide you through.
Take some time to reflect and write down what your values are. Keep them where you can see them.
When you are struggling to make a decision run the options through your core values to see how they align or don't!
We often run decisions through a more logical process, with pros and cons, benefits and risks, and gains and losses. When we check the options in front of us against how they align with our values, it can help us to reflect through a more emotional lens.
A common source of frustration with a situation is that it is not in alignment with what is important to us.
Something within that situation is out of alignment with one of our values or does not meet our emotional and psychological needs.
This doesn’t make it 'right' or 'wrong', or 'good' or 'bad'.
Your core values are what are important to you.
They have been shaped by your personal experiences, your family and the school, teachers, and role models that influenced your early and developing years. They will have been shaped by the relationships you have had, the friendships you have made, and the jobs you have worked in.
Your own experiences will have shaped your values and what is important to you, and therefore they are going to be different to mine.
Not right or wrong, just different.
We can all look at one situation in very different ways. Depending on our values we will approach the situation differently, and that’s ok!
Values impact and influence our world viewpoint, our inner narrative, and how we interpret the things that happen to us.
Understanding our values can help us understand why we hold certain opinions, what informs our beliefs, and how this can impact our emotions and behaviours.
Understanding the values of who we spend time with can help deepen our connection, improve our communication and help us to build understanding and rapport within that relationship.
Our values will drive our behaviours, however, sometimes the behaviours or actions requested of us will be out of alignment and that is why we can sometimes feel uncomfortable with what we are doing or being asked to do.
Our behaviours may not be consciously driven by what is important to us, however, if we can reflect on what our core values are, and what needs are most important to us, and bring our behaviours and actions into alignment, then bringing this into a more conscious behaviour, and choice can have a significant positive impact.
Our core values can change, and shape, as we develop and grow and our personal circumstances change.
When was the last time you reflected on what yours are now?
Are you living to your present or past values?
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First published April 2018
Revised Oct 2022