Not everyone finds communicating easy. Do you?
Effective communication is crucial for success in both personal and professional relationships. Yet, not everyone finds it easy to communicate effectively. Whether you're naturally talkative or more reserved, mastering the art of communication is key to building stronger connections.
According to research, effective communication can increase productivity by 25% in the workplace. How do you know if you're truly communicating well?
Some people may find it easy, however, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are effective communicators.
Whether you find it easy or not, how do you know if you are any good at it?
Understanding Effective Communication
Effective communication involves more than just exchanging information. It's about understanding the emotions and intentions behind the information.
Here are several factors to consider:
What you intended to say
What you actually said
What the person heard
What the person understood
What the person remembered
While you can't control all these aspects, you can manage how you deliver your message through tone, pace, inflection, and body language.
You are responsible for what you say and how you say it. The following will all have an impact on the delivery of your message, and how it is received:
Tone
Pace
Inflexion
Body language
Overcoming Communication Barriers
Communication barriers can stem from cultural differences, language issues, or personal biases. To overcome these, it's important to be aware of, and be sensitive to these barriers, and to adopt strategies like active listening and asking clarifying questions.
Developing Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence (EI) plays a vital role in communication. EI involves recognising your own emotions and those of others, and using this awareness to manage interactions more effectively.
Techniques to develop EI include mindfulness practices, empathy exercises, and reflective listening.
How you communicate will have an impact on how the 'message' is received and therefore the response. It is our responsibility to be mindful of this however, ultimately, you are not responsible for how the other person feels on receiving this message, how they interpret and perceive it, and how they choose to respond.
It is important to recognise this and the key to being an effective communicator is to check the level of understanding of what you have said.
It is important to have a good level of self-awareness of how you are coming across when you communicate, and how people perceive you.
Is there a disconnect that you need to work on?
Communication is a topic often covered in workshops and talks. We discuss communication styles, especially in the context of conveying your message in more challenging, or emotionally charged conversations.
Not communicating what you feel or what you want can be very frustrating and at times stressful.
The ability to have this type of conversation requires good, effective, communication skills, it needs to be a balanced two-way conversation as the information has to be given and received, as it is intended, by both parties.
These skills can be practised, they are learned skills. If you find it a challenge, keep working on it, and it will improve.
10 Things to Consider to Improve The Way You Communicate
(In no particular order!)
Does Your Body Language Match What You Are Saying?
Be aware of the message your body language is sending. Is it matching the words that come out of your mouth? What is the body language needed to help convey what you are trying to communicate?
Is the Emotion Impacting the Message?
In more emotive conversations the tone, pace and inflection can be influenced by the emotions that we feel.
Focus on reducing/removing the emotion from the conversation so that the conversation is not impacted negatively. Take a moment before beginning the conversation to focus on what you want to say, and take a deep breath (or more if needed) to help settle how you feel before you begin.
Are You Mindreading?
Have you already gone through the conversation in your head and decided what the other person is going to say?
Is this shaping what you are saying or how you are saying it?
Are you giving the other person a chance to respond, without jumping in to try and finish their sentence for them?
Are you avoiding having the conversation because you have already assumed what they are going to say and how they are going to respond?
Mindreading can often influence the outcome of a conversation. Try to enter into the conversation with an open mind and curiosity as to how the conversation may play out.
Are You Listening to Understand or Listening to Respond?
Similar to how we make an effort to understand the other person's message, how frequently do we overlook what is being communicated to us because we are preoccupied with formulating our own response?
If you find yourself trying to jump in at the end of the other person's sentence, then practice taking a moment to tune back in to what they are saying, and switch on your active listening. (verbal responses, head nods, eye contact).
Listening for or Listening to?
Are you listening out for something? – (often a combination of the last two points) or are you listening with an open mind and actively listening to what they are saying, taking note of their tone, pace, inflexion and body language?
Are you allowing yourself to observe the full conversation or are you more focused on what you are expecting them to say?
Is the Voice Inside Your Head Louder Than the Voice of the Person You are Listening to?
It is not uncommon for an internal conversation to run inside our heads whilst we listen to someone speak. It is how we assemble a response.
What we need to be careful of is that the voice in our head doesn’t take over and we stop listening and lose track of what the other person has said.
Turn down the volume of your inner conversation, and tune back into the person you are listening to!
You also don’t want the internal conversation to leak out either!
... Yes, you really did say that out loud!
Conversing to Win or Conversing to Engage?
How are you entering the conversation?
Are you entering the conversation to prove your point and argue your perspective until the person either agrees with you or walks away?
To improve a conversation, focus on listening to comprehend and speaking clearly to ensure mutual understanding, rather than causing confusion or conflict.
Are You Present? Is the Conversation a Full Circle of Energy With Both Parties Fully Connected?
Are you in the conversation or is your mind elsewhere?
This is easily done and an easy habit to pick up. Nonverbal cues can help you stay engaged. Put your phone down, turn off the television, remove anything that may distract you and stay connected.
Thinking about what you need from the shops can wait a while!
Can You See It From Their Point of View?
How would the conversation appear if you took a step back and observed it as a neutral third party?
Are you able to look at it from both points of view?
If you step back and look at it from a different perspective does this help remove your own emotions and preconceived ideas?
Does it help you to understand their intention and see things from their perspective?
How Are You Creating the Other Person as You Listen to Them?
What is your opinion of the person you are communicating with?
Is it your own opinion from previous interactions, or is it the opinions of others that have been given to you?
We can enter into any communication with pre-conceived ideas and then look to delete, distort, and generalise what we are seeing and hearing, to confirm what we ‘already knew to be true’
There are familiar sayings ‘love is blind’ or ‘once I’ve decided I don’t like them everything they do annoys me’ aka 'The ick'
When we only focus on what we are searching for, we tend to overlook the complete view right in front of us. This is what we call 'confirmation bias'.
What could you do differently to help improve the way you communicate?
Which one of these 10 points could help you be a more effective communicator?
Effective communication is a skill that can be learned and refined. By practicing these tips and being mindful of your communication style, you can enhance your interactions and build stronger relationships.
refer this in video form? Why not check out this short video with hints, tips and advice on how to improve your communication and negotiation skills?
If you need coaching support with your communication skills, book a clarity call and let's talk it through!
Share your own tips or experiences in the comments below. For more insights, watch the video and book a clarity call to enhance your communication skills today.
First published July 2018
Revised July 2022 & June 2024